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so havent been here in a good minuite.... life kinda sucks a little bit right now.... things are really discombobulated and i need to gain some perspective on a couple of matters.... things have been brought into the light of my eyes and it sucks.... i am going to have to divert to my old habits and just keep everythin to myself again..... well except for my usual bluntness.... but even that will be a minimum on some matters.....
life.... yep, im just gonna keep my mouth shut on this one.... till next time....
i thought this was going to be more satisfying.....figures... oh well time to be introverted once again....
bye bye

Monday was so nice, goin out with my friends and everything....i was so happy to get out of the house....well my work just asked me to work full time b/c theylike my work....i have some cupons for great america that i hope everyone can come to.... this wed is going to be hard....im going to court to watch the plea and hopefully sentencing of the woman who killed Derek and Alex... we get to talk to her for like 30 min or somethin like that..... im going to make a statement of who Derek and Alex was to me..... and even though she doesnt deserve or and it is going to be extremely hard for me I am going to try and be nice and not curse her out or anything......
I got what i needed to finish one of my projects for Derek.....it was difficult to put my last letter to him that i just wrote away..... but hey.... nothin else to say... thankx everyone for all the support and love youse are showin me through this.... I love you all and dont forget that.... i dont know how i would get through this without you

much love always

Man every night i cant sleep.... its been such a challenge to deal with this...Derek I miss u soo much........ it hurts and the pain doesnt seem to go away like everyone is saying....although i kinda like the pain, it reminds me of how much I love u Derek and tells me not to forget u, not that I ever could....While trying to move on I have a job...they want to hire me full time...i guess we'll see how that is gonna work out
I am so bored at home but cant go up to NIU until later.... i feel so left out.....not that its anyones fault or anything..... Derek was the one who was always there and would always go out with me, come pick me up and everything..... im still not use to him being gone, its very lonely, not that anyone could tell by hanging around me..
Im not going to school this semester so i decided to take these 2 free classes at wright college about finances like morgages, stocks, bonds, investments.... which i know nothing about....and there free... im also going to be taking this 6 session Introductory to Photography class...that should be fun....cant wait, not that these classes have anything to do with my major....i just need to occupy my time

yeah so...its been a little over a month and still not getting easier... i am getting on with my life no matter how depressing and unfullfilled it is now... i got a job pt but they might hire me full time.... i started on my space a couple days ago.... i have nothing of worth to post bye......